Trusting the unknown! Saturn moves forward…

The biggest teacher, guide, slow and thorough planet Saturn moves direct on Wednesday 18th September. Saturn has been in retrograde for the last five months, allowing us to process our patterns of behaviour that don’t serve our environment current reality.

This year the living sky, has been pulling and pushing us to look deeply within, to search for the areas within ourselves emotionally for true authentic fulfilment, joy and happiness. It takes a long time for all of us to truly connect with our emotions because the outer world doesn’t support it enough. We can engage in deep and meaningful conversations with those that we trust. We can hear the inner voice scream within our every essence that something does not feel right. And yet we continue to ignore all of this and barricade our intuitive feelings, with ‘i’m having a bad day’, or ‘soon this will pass, and all will be well’ or worse ‘i’m not sure how I should feel, what are others doing? they are happy’ and these stop us from taking on a new energy, an unknown energy that fulfils us deeply.

photo-@wflwong

Credit for image @wflwong

Saturn going direct is a big karmic cycle that is both ending what we’ve always have known, and birthing a new cycle to what is unknown. What is your relationship on uncertainty? The unknown? Your authentic happiness? Our ego? This week the cosmic sky will, from Thursday till Sunday, create an intense emotional chaotic mess that may possibly drive us all to throw the towel in, and walk back to the way things were. We may feel that our world, our reality is ending thus we are too. It is dark. It is depressive.

The cosmos is on our side, only if you truly believe in walking a new path of reality that is on your terms. Not running back to a toxic unfulfilling project, relationship, situation, group of people.  The easy part is to walk back, but there is a price to pay and that is stunting our own deep spiritual understanding of our Souls growth. Where is the balance in your life that you can trust over the next few days, that will keep the inner light, positive vibes pulsing within us. Trusting ourselves is the biggest test when Saturn goes direct.

There is another serious test in the sky, with Mars (planet of war, sex, action, frustration, anger, intense energy) trine Pluto (planet of transformation, death and rebirth, grow as the Pheonix rises from the ashes) which gives us this false sense that we can do anything. Of course, we can, if we are ready enough, brave enough, tuned enough to listen, to act, to bring up the truth of what hasn’t worked in the past. Only then we will shine the light on a new reality. Or, it can keep us there where we may jump ship. Because we have lost faith. Even though there is no where else to go. It is karmic. It is serious work.

It is like the past is haunting us, reminding us that something was good and easier than what it is now. Remember we were different then and we are very different now. We have to really dive deep and ask what is the ‘new’ that we want to create in our reality? How can we trust this unknown, new reality, if we are attached, obsessed or convinced that the past (behavioural patterns) has a chance at truly showing up in a different way?

Jupiter square Neptune is inviting us, emotionally to connect to the parts of ourselves that we have numbed for a long time. This could be from our own conditioning, especially if you’re a woman and the past hasn’t served us at all, no matter who you are.

We can feel both invincible and at deaths door emotionally this week. We can feel like nothing is worth going forward with, or we can just sit with it and bring our awareness to what is really going on inside and how is that reflected to our current reality.

The most interesting part is noticing how much we are in our story. “I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve something better, because there isn’t nothing better”. Or, “I can make this work, I can feel in my heart this situation, or person, or project will change to bring harmony”. Saturn, is saying “No! I’ve been in retrograde so you can spend the last five months in misery and then go back! Saturn is asking us ‘You want to grow, you need to do some serious introspection, followed by action, because your consequences will shape the next 255 years or so!”.

Think about this for a moment. Which area of your life went through a shake up, transformation or under the magnifying glass? This is the area of growth. For me, I’m shedding the old. I grew up in a conservative Indian household, where there was joy, always at a price. Both my parents are kind people, and loving, more to others than their own. They always believed others were worse off, because we had each other. This also meant that the six of us, yes i’m one of six, did not understand the importance of self love, self care or self worth. Over the last five months this lesson has been coming up for me, loud and clear.

I follow the stars, ‘estella’ and I knew this year for me personally was going to be the biggest year of my life for personal growth. And it has been. I’m not out of it yet, but I’ve started to get less attached to what things ‘should’ look like and more to ‘trusting the universe’ mode. As a Virgo, this is a very hard and a humbling experience. I have been deeply humbled, and I keep hoping for some breathing space, for some inner joy to come through deep within me. Trusting the unknown is like discovering a door within your house that you never noticed before. You’ve been in that house for over 40 years and then boom!, there is a door. You walk past the door, you go up to it and smell or try to sense where did it come from. You wash your face, just in case you’ve had too much ceremonial cacao hot chocolate, and walk back. It’s still there! Finally, you turn the handle, and open the door. A big surge of reality hits you hard in the face.

The door opens to a room of our shadow, our conditioning, our patterns, our old ways of being. In an instance, you are drained, confused, almost everything you see in that room is measured by your physical energy and nothing is left. We are humbled, we have made contact with the part of ourself that was neglected, perhaps we abused it, perhaps we fooled ourself that the other rooms in our house were far too important because they gave us status.

But this room… consumed by the barricade of illusion, we stand naked, like Kali, ready to make a transformation, ready to let go, to change, to enter the places that we’ve been putting off for so long. And those places are linked to our hearts, to the love of thy Self.

Some of us will want to get out and shut the door, and run. If we do run, but we know the door is there! We have experienced a touch of its power already. Will we be able to keep going on with our current reality? No. Some of us will explore the room, perhaps get nostalgic, sad because we can see clearly the unhealthy subconscious patterns that do not work for us, getting us trapped in this ‘woe is me’ story. Or we can walk in, observe the feelings that this room pulls from within us, and we start purging, cleansing either by crying, sweating or deep sadness. We do not get out until we feel resolved. This is the hard work. This is Saturn.

We will eventually, only next week by Monday, find a way to start clearing. And hopefully use our imagination how best we use this room in our home ‘inner home’ in a more sacred way. So we don’t repeat this karmic pattern, but grow and allow a new ‘us’ to be birthed.

This time is sacred, the relationships of the past, current and future are all sacred. What is your karmic cycle that you are emotionally purging so you can make room for a new unknown reality.

Welcome this energy with open arms, because at the end of this road there will be priceless gifts.

Only love is real!

2 Comments

  1. Carly Nicole Baxendale says:

    Oh Sandeep. You are a wise woman! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this with us. I miss you and your classes! Although I only met you once!!! I hope to return to the Bottanix studio, soon. Much love. Carly. x

  2. Khanh says:

    You never seize to amaze me.

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